THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A STINGY PERSON

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A STINGY PERSON:

According to the Philanthropy Roundtable, $390 billion went towards charitable donations by Americans, seven times over 62 years earlier. 71% of that came from living individuals.

You see acts of utmost generosity every day from people pushing other people’s car in the snow, buying another person’s groceries, donating blood, kidneys, lungs, and other organs while they’re still alive, putting their life at risk.

With all this generosity and kindness going around in the world, why do you still know at least a few people who are stingy? The kind of people who are unwilling to share their time, money, and knowledge for the betterment of humanity.

 If sharing is human why are there stingy people?

In order to explain why close-fisted, scrooge-like, selfish people exist, you first need to uncover the characteristics of a stingy person and recognize when you know one. The psychology of the miser can help describe their mindset, motives, and expectations. Distinguishing the differences between stingy, frugality, thrifty, and cheap is important because the intentions and attitudes behind each of them are different. They may associate stinginess with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) in some penny-pinchers. Knowing how to deal with someone who is stingy can help show compassion and empathy without causing conflict. 

 Are you a miser?

 “What really boils me blood is that it’s not that Daddy didn’t have money, but he never could think of a single good reason to spend it.” 

― Marlon James

Supporting a charity you believe in can bring you heartfelt enjoyment, boosting your mood. It strengthens your values. It’s also contagious; your friends and family will want to do the same. When you donate your time you meet like-minded people and express gratitude. It improves your emotional well-being and builds meaningful relationships.

A miser is “someone who hoards wealth and spends as little money as possible: a person who hates to spend money: a stingy person.” They are the opposite of a philanthropist, a contributor to promoting the welfare of others.

Stinginess can relate to money, emotions, love, time, ideas, and apologies. You take more than you give when you’re stingy.

 Signs that you’re stingy:

• Sharing money with others is absurd.

• You identify with people who are Scrooge-like.

• Splitting the cost of something feels normal to you.

• You don’t donate to charity.

• Hoarding pennies is routine.

• You know how much money you have all the time.

• Feelings of jealousy, competitiveness, and envy take over you when something good happens to someone.

• You think about yourself first before giving even minute things.

• You don’t show appreciation until you’ve received praise.

• Apologizing when you’re wrong is hard.

 

You may have a few of these mad characteristics of a stingy person, but some of them may be signs of frugality and thriftiness. We’ll talk about the difference.

It’s important to know what causes a person to become a miser so we can understand them and empathize. Let’s dive into the brains of the stingy.

 The psychology of stinginess

 “A miser is sometimes a grand personification of fear. He has a fine horror of poverty; and he is not content to keep want from the door, or at arm’s length, but he places it, by heaping wealth upon wealth, at a sublime distance!”

— Charles Lamb

Sometimes it’s difficult to recognize a person who is cheap. They somehow disappear when the server brings the check. Or the present you received was something someone gifted to them. The traits of a stingy person are not from biological inheritance.

 What causes stinginess?

1) Fear. There are several fears associated with the miser.

(a) Fear of not having enough. They exhibit a scarcity mindset and feel that giving something away is a tremendous loss and cause problems. They feel insecure, even if they have lots of money.

(b) Fear of intimacy. When there’s no trust in others, it causes the person to back away from building close relationships. They become stingy in sharing their emotions.

(c) Fear of being controlled. Some people feel a lack of freedom. Their parents controlled them as a child and they weren’t able to express themselves. This caused them to become vulnerable. Being stingy with their emotions is a way for them to protect themselves from being attacked. Apologies are few since this opens up vulnerability.

 2) Their parents were stingy too.

Bad habits of parents get picked up by their children. Upbringing has an enormous influence on the way a child behaves and sees the world. Stingy parents make a child insecure and develop low self-esteem. It promotes a sense of poverty, decreases self-worth, and they become stingy too.

 3) Lack of neural empathy.

In childhood, the way you were potty trained can affect your personality. Children who had strict toilet training can lead to an anal-retentive personality. If your parents were too severe in training your bowel movements, you may have fought back by holding it in. This can cause you to be stingy in adulthood.

 4) Being secure is their biggest priority.

This relates to fear. If feeling secure becomes the number one concern for someone, they may negate other important attributes of a healthy life, such as collaboration, building meaningful relationships, creativity, and the opportunity to grow and achieve their goals.

 A few words get muddled with stingy but have different meanings. Let’s bring more clarification to them.

 Stingy, frugal, cheap, thrifty. Are they all characteristics of a stingy person?

 “Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.”

—Benjamin Franklin

 Positive connotations: Frugal, Thrifty

Negative connotations: Miser, Stingy, Cheap, Scrooge-like, penny-pincher, close-fisted

 

Frugal and Thrifty

We relate frugal and thrifty to a person who is spending their money only on necessities and shops for bargains. There is a subtle difference between them. A person who is frugal may purchase something that costs more and better in quality, but will avoid any unnecessary expenditures. A thrifty person will focus on spending the least amount of money, but may purchase things they don’t need.

 Miser, stingy, and cheap

They both have negative connotations, but’s there’s a difference. A miser hoards wealth and spends as little money as possible while a stingy person may spend lots of money on themselves but keep it away from everybody else. A stingy person is selfish; they lack consideration for others. A miser would deprive themselves of necessities no matter what the circumstance is in order to save their wealth and money.

Cheap has a negative connotation and refers to someone who will buy at the lowest possible cost while sacrificing on the quality of the item. Price tags are the most important to the cheap person. They will hold on to their money, giving little thought on how their actions affect others.

 Miser: obsessed over money leaving their pockets.

Stingy: Reluctant to share, even if they owe someone.

Cheap: Always buys the lowest cost item and does not care about its quality.

Frugal: Spends money on useful things and willing to sacrifice for long-term financial well-being.

Thrifty: likes bargains and willing to reuse items they already have.

 Is being stingy a mental disorder?

 “Feelings about money—saving and spending, holding back and letting go —start very early in our lives. Stingy people have often been forced to give when they were very, very young, when they weren’t ready. And generous people have often been really appreciated when they were very young.”

— Fred Rogers

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is a personality disorder that’s preoccupied with details, list, rules, order organization, and perfectionism. It’s a personality that’s devoted to work and productivity while renouncing relationships and leisure activities. People with OCPD hoard money like a miser; they stow money away for fear of future disasters. An article in Science Direct states “The compulsive, critical, controlling, self-righteous side of their personalities often creates difficulty in relationships with co-workers, friends, and family. They can be stingy, orderly, and obstinate.”

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) differs from OCPD. OCD is anxiety-related with intrusive thoughts, while OCPD is a personality disorder that questions why people are not like them.

The disorder affects 1 in 100 adults. “Frugality is a symptom of obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) when a person ‘adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others,’ notes the American Psychiatric Association.

Stinginess can be a sign of OCPD when taken to the extreme. Excessive frugality is a disorder that disrupts your life and others. Some say that upbringing may be the cause.

Does the stingy person display defiance, dysfunction, danger, and distress? If so, their stinginess could be a sign of mental illness.

 How to deal with stingy people

 “Conquer the angry one by not getting angry; conquer the wicked by goodness; conquer the stingy by generosity, and the liar by speaking the truth. 

—Siddhartha Gautama

Here are ways to show compassion and empathy instead of invoking conflict with someone who is stingy:

1) Embrace.

Accepting that someone is a stingy is the first step towards empathy. Include them in your life, invite them to gatherings, and have meaningful conversations. Look at their positive traits and be grateful for them.

 2) Empathize.

Don’t take it personal. It could be a personality disorder or their upbringing. Examine yourself and see why you’re bothered by the person, then put yourself in their shoes. It may not be their stinginess that you have a problem with. Remember that fear in the primary reason a person becomes a miser.

 3) Set expectations.

Being clear is being kind. Expect that the person will not pay for things when you go out. You may be disappointment by the stingy person’s actions, but being shocked will set off negative emotions at the wrong time. Plan for separate checks when you go out to eat, plan to do activities that don’t cost money. Expect little appreciation from the person. Setting expectations for you and them is key to handling uncomfortable situations before they happen.

 4) Don’t stop your generosity.

Go the distance and make yourself better. Be the leader and make the world better whether the stingy person is in your life. Stand firm and take charge of your own ship. Pray for them. Stay true to yourself and don’t stop being the caring giver you are. What goes around comes around. Good things will come to you. Do not let the stingy person disrupt your positive character.

 5) Avoid the person.

Start bringing up topics you care about and direct attention to yourself. Have an uncomfortable conversation with them and let them know how you feel. If the stinginess becomes unbearable, then stop doing favors for them and put limits on the conversations and activities. If they don’t change, end the relationship and find new people to hang out with.

 Conclusion

Knowing the characteristics of a stingy person will help you identify them and help set expectations on their behavior. Understanding the mind of the miser allows you to find a reason for their actions so you don’t take it personal. There are distinct differences between stingy, frugality, thrifty, and cheap, and knowing the differences can help set expectations. Stinginess may be a sign of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Showing compassion and empathy instead of annoyance is important when confronted by a friend who is ungenerous.

Do you know of someone who is stingy? How are you dealing with it?